Monday, January 21, 2008


I heard this rumor once, “If you don’t use it you will lose it.” I very seldom use my pinky toe for things other than tickling, but it seems to still be there.

While not credible, this rumor is frightening when thought about and so for that very reason I am going to start writing, everyday, at least once a day…call it a very late, very unoriginal new year’s resolution. I am taking the exercise approach to it. At first it will be painful, tedious and boring…slowly, presumably around week three, this will become habit and my gains will grow faster than my lethargy. One of my co-workers had a much better, more simple new year’s resolution, to eat more turnovers. I like this idea because it is rewarding and easy to accomplish. The following morning after he told me about his resolution I made it a point to get an apple turnover for breakfast and let me tell you something, he is going to have great success with his resolution; it’s like pie for breakfast! Who doesn’t like a nice warm pie?!

A nice warm anything would be nice right now. The recent cold snap that has struck most of the U.S. has not ignored poor little Steamboat Springs. It’s a balmy 16 outside currently, but before that the high was 8 with a low of -16. Being from Arizona I was not prepared at all for what -16 feels like. When you open the door the cold air assaults you with blitzkrieg efficiency. The nostrils are the first to go, your first breath causes them to run and subsequently freeze. As the air travels through your body your lungs begin to hurt and a cough is almost guaranteed. Next the fingers begin to burn about 20 seconds into the ordeal with numbing sensation after about a minute.

This is the only reason people should have a remote start for their car. In Arizona, if you have a remote start for your car you are a tool. Here, you are a god among lesser mortals because it saves you 5 to 10 minutes of character-building agony. There is no finer feeling then stealing away into your warm car on a frigid winter’s day. To accomplish this I have to start my car 15 minutes prior to when I want to leave. As it stands, I use a Frisbee to scrape my windows clean because I broke my ice scrapper on a frozen floor mat that I thought would shed its ice if beaten. I was wrong. I also thought the snow trapped inside my car would melt sometime, but its presence continues to defy me. Same can be said for my wheel wells, which have less that a centimeter of clearance before a solid block of ice is caressed by my big, black, size 14 (standard for Honda Civics) tires. Everyone has advised me to take my car to a carwash and remove said ice, but I am kind of interested to see if my car can last longer than the ice does. I thought I was halfway through winter, but apparently I have to wait till the end of January before I can say that. It’s a good thing I love snowboarding as much as I do. With all the cons that come with this crappy weather, my one pro far outweighs all those annoyances.

Spirits are high and constantly consumed, despite all the low temperatures. To make ends meet and put a little extra coin in my stretched pocket I have taken to bussing at a local bar. Not the most glamorous, best paying job in the market, but they let me drink while I pickup/deal with people’s trash, something I typically had to do prior to my other restaurant jobs. Substance abuse is key in the service/hospitality industry. I mostly keep to myself, don’t say to much, sip on my Sam Adam’s and take a few Jameson space-filler-shots and before I know it my shift is over and my bar tab is around 12 bucks. It's like going out without going out and not being some douchey promoter. I can still look myself in the mirror at the end of the night and know I have not sold my soul. There’s a fine line between being pathetic and being a genius, so I like to think I am both. Part of being a genius is being unkempt, so I am growing my hair, for how long I cannot say. I’ll stop somewhere before reaching the edge of my hair’s universe. I am hoping the result is not in parallel to the real universe, where eventually the mass will become so great that it collapses in upon itself destroying everything, i.e. going bald. I’ll need a Baron Davis beard fast if that happens.

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