I like being able to write my musings whenever I like, this is going to be good for this ol' blog. This blog can now be much more "real time", not in the Bill Maher way, but in the literal "this is what I am currently doing". I know people want to know what I am doing and thinking at all times because let's face it, who doesn't?

It saddens me that I have not done a better job of recording my life. I'm actually envious to see the rewards others have given themselves by keeping up with their writing. In some ways I think writing is so much more definitive a captured moment in time versus a photo. A photo only shows you what is happening at an exact moment without much context. When you write something it gives you insight to how your mind was working and what you were thinking at that point in time. I think this serves as better reinforcement than a photo. But hey, photos are pretty swell too.

Last night work was pretty good. Any day I walk out of there with more than $100 I count that as a pretty good night. It's funny because on all accounts I should loathe my job as a backserver, but I don't. I work with my ex's boyfriend, I get paid fairly poorly and work harder than most people there and yet I still have a smile every night for some reason I do not know. I do like the respect and recognition I get for doing my job well, but that's hardly my focus. I find my job easy thus it is easy to excel. I'm being moved up next week to a full fledged server which means I'll have to prove myself all over again but that shouldn't be too hard. Most servers don't have too much going for them and I'd like to consider myself the exception to the rule but then I have to rationalize that everyone probably thinks they are the exception to some rule.

I promised myself I would never go back to the world of serving but plans change. Years ago I was graduating college, had a steady job lined up and a steady girlfriend. Fast forward three years and I still have a steady job (x2) but everything else in my life seems upside down from where it was. In my case change isn't something bad, it's something I've always sought. On the cusp of change again, I have every intention of leaving Arizona come the end of October. All signs point to Colorado, but I think I'd be happy just about anywhere, provided it is not a city with no culture and hellish summers.

For now, AZ ain't bad. I'm just going to shift life into neutral for a few months and just enjoy the rest of my time here. Both my jobs are means to an end, an end I cannot wait to start. That is me being poetic and failing. This is picture is not me failing:


Just kidding. That dude totally fails. I shared a plane with him back to Phoenix. Ick.

I forgot how much fun having a modern computer is. I have been using an old frankensteined computer that I assembled from various other computers that were deemed obsolete for the last year or so and just forgot about the internet and computering and all the charm therein.

NO LONGER FRIENDS. I have been trusting my impulses/gut all year (not saying too much since it is only a month into 2010) and went out and bought myself a trusty laptop. It's about damn time I had something that I could actually use and accomplish the things that I wanted to. I look at my lack of invovement with technology over the last year as a relationship that is the direct result of me having a defunct computer. Now that I have something reliable I hope that I am taking more pictures, documenting the adventures I will be partaking in over the next few months and just generally getting more digital satisfaction as a whole.

This is just one goal in a big list for 2010 but I am making huge strides so far. The biggest one is moving to Denver towards the end of this year. As dumb as it sounds, havingthis laptop actually brings me a step closer, I think...

I have given up all my worries and preoccupations that plagued me in 2009. I've made peace with my actions and demons and am looking forward to the future. Everything seems brighter in life when you have a direction. I guess it helps when you think everything is grand. It's hard not to smile to myself when I think of all the good things in my life. Every choice I made has brought me to this point and for better or worse I can confidently stand behind all the choices I made. Time is a great ally. So are beautiful Brazilian women.

Departing 6:25 PM

Being able to write on the move is great. There's no better descriptor that I can really think of.

I'm on the plane headed back to Phoenix from Park City. It's sad to be leaving but good to be coming home. Sleeping in my own bed sans Tim is just one of the simple luxuries you can't really price. I always tend to be reflective on airplanes, usually because I am next to a stranger and if that stranger is not a cute girl, I seldom talk to that stranger. This flight, however, I find myself sitting next to two of my best friends, Alecia and Tim. We're all kind of doing our own thing right now; Alecia is playing solitaire and Tim is jamming to music. I am writing this. I guess when you've been friends as long as we have there is a certain tolerance for air in a conversation.

In a personal relationship I don't want there to be many pauses in conversation or have to think about what to say next. I've been fortunate enough in my life to have been involved with several girls where this was the case. For one various reason or another things eventually came to an end but each time I learned more about myself and what I am looking for. I used to feel the pressure of getting married and having kids and a mortgage and all the other adulty things that traditional western thought deems necessary. While I subscribe to this belief, I want it to be on my own timeline, not a predetermined one.

There are several different types of people in this world, but I like to generalize them into two different groups: those who are defined by relationships and those that are not. Certainly there is overlap and again I am generalizing but I find myself in the latter.

I guess it takes a certain amount of courage to be single, to try new things and not settle for something that may not be exactly what you are looking for. Now, granted I'm only 25, but I've experienced enough to know a little bit of what I speak. Even reading it over as i write this it doesn't make sense to me and I want to delete it and start over but if I'm writing it down it must be important.

I've often wondered about everything I've written, both digital and paper, and whether or not the things I erased meant something. I'm making a concerned effort to not erase what I write. The pro is that I will have a better record of my thoughts. The con is that I will have scattered, poorly organized writings. Oh well.

It's hard to say why I felt the urge to write just now. I think my line of thought was: friends are focused on electronics, should be too. Good opportunity to write, talk about writing. Remembered this was the only time in the history of my flights that I have had a hot flight attendant. I think about women a lot, I should write about relationships. I want to erase what I just wrote but won't. Defend why I won't erase what I just wrote. Explain thought process.

This should equal a successful entry, right? I think so. Plane is descending as I write this sentence. As much crap as I give Phoenix and my continual desire to leave; home is home and I'm glad to be back. Work, relationships, responsibilities, all of it is just about 80 miles away and 30,000 feet below me.

Location:Southwest flight 1608 to Phoenix

Bro boarding

Went riding in park city yesterday, managed to get my feet under me and also not destroy myself. Today, deer valley and skiing, I am not optimistic I will achieve the same results. More to come with pics, bro

Location:Park City, Utah

A torrid affair

A couple months back I made the ultimate sacrifice: I gave up my verizon contract and jumped ship to AT&T so I could have an iPhone. I sacrificed a wonderful network with great coverage for all the bells and whistles the iPhone offers. I equate it to cheating on your girlfriend with a really hot, attractive girl that you may not get another chance with. Yes, I'm shallow and a terrible person. I blame it on working at a chic restuarant in Scottsdale.

Seriously though, I can now blog from my iPhone!?! Everytime I think I am over my love affair with my iPhone, she finds a way to keep me coming back for more. I haven't treated her well in the past. I've had the misfortune of breaking the screen twice in about 6 months and both instances were remarkably similar. I was drunk to the point of blacking out at Casey Moores and being an ass.

One time I walked home in sandals roughly 3.7 miles at 2am and made it home to see my iPhone shattered when I woke up at 3pm. The other time I made out with an Irish chick and tried to lick a girls face; all on thanksgiving. I am the very essence of class.

I don't know if being able to blog from iPhone will be good or bad for her. I could see more breakage in her future, good thing I treat her like an abused wife who thinks she has done something to deserve all this suffering. I should name her...

Location:Aetna office

January 5th, 2010

I only made two New Year resolutions this year, which is exactly two more than I made last year. Judging by the way 2009 came and went, I probably should have made at least one: The year probably would have been less tumultuous for me had I bothered. Oh well, live and learn.

The first resolution I made, which I think will be exceedingly difficult, is to find the positive in any negative situation that happens to me in 2010. So, if I lose my job I suddenly have more free time to pursue other leisure activities. Should my car die, I now have an excuse to ride my bicycle more than I do (which is never because it has been at my friend Taryn’s house since March of 2009). I do not anticipate this being terribly hard right now, but over time, say July or something; I may just end up struggling to find a positive.

The second resolution would be to write more. Easy to say, easy to pen to paper, but actually quite hard to actually practice. I had a good streak going back in 2007-2008, but that eventually became like every other shuttered blog I have attempted to maintain that now litters the internet. Two things are going to be different this time. First, I am going to keep writing in the same blog. Second, I am going to will myself to write. Even if it is just a sentence or two, or maybe even a funny picture, anything that documents what I have been up or what I am thinking. I have discovered that I need an outlet, a way to communicate with anyone who will listen to all my gripes, quips and nonsense. Should I plan to avoid going insane in the distant future, I will need record of my musings. This may not prevent me from losing my mind, but it will give others a path to follow and understand should I eventually lose my grip on reality.

One of the unexpected benefits of constant writing is an enhancement in speaking ability. I do not mean rhetoric; I mean the simple of act of speaking better than I currently do. I have a bad habit, which is supremely disappointing to me, of swearing when I choose to relax with leisure substances (read alcohol). I am not against swearing, but I know I need to do a better job of utilizing speech that reflects my own intelligence and with focused purpose. Saying eff this and eff that is not effective communication. Using adjectives such as sick and awesome do not do moments justice, those words sour them.

Awesome is by and far my favorite word, but I may need to reduce its use in my vernacular. I would like to avoid trying to use overly complicated and flowery language masked with metaphors as well. I am not good at poetry; a fact I learned at about 4th grade. By that time I was acutely aware of my inability to string words together in rhythmic fashion. I could write poems that worked for the assignment that I was given and nothing more. I will never “wow” anyone with my sonnets. Sorry.

It’s not fair to just jump into my writing again as though I was never gone. I’ll update on my life today, so that when I do reflect on the year that has passed, characters and plotlines make sense. This isn’t a promise.

Location:The desk I spend 40 hours a week at, sigh

Sorry, it has been FARRR too long. I would like to lie and say that I have been exceptionally busy, but that ain't the case. A lot has changed since my last post though.

For starters I am back in Phoenix with all my friends and family, so that's boss. I am living with my parents currently, which is not so boss, but I will be outta here in no more than a month, if things work the way I want them to. Read sick house with friends and booze.

My girlfriend is in central America, has been since the 7^th of July and won't be back until the end of August, so that's a bummer. Alecia is in South America and won't be back until the end of October I think, another bummer. The harsh reality of not being able to take all these fun trips already settled and passed.

The tricky part right now is to occupy my time, which I am finding I have much too much of these days. That is because I do not start my new job until Monday, my birthday. What better way to celebrate turning 24 then by going to work in an office for orientation! All jokes aside, I am actually looking forward to having a purpose to my day instead of just resisting the urge to daydrink.

One thing I have done that I am quite pleased with is re-joining a gym. It's awesome to feel exhausted again, and not just from snowboarding. Going back to the gym means going back to old habits, protein shakes, eggs, and chicken. Arrange them in any order for any day and basically you have what I have been eating the last several weeks. My body is slowly starting to wake out of its slumber and return to activity. The irony being that I moved to Colorado with an intention of being more active and was not. The only thing I really don't miss about the gym is the lactic acid that builds up. It's what makes ya sore after getting extreme, as Trevor and I like to call it.

There's something great about being able to pick up and just go to the gym and work out frustrations physically. As soothing as writing is, and as effective a tool as it can be towards the same goal, I guess I just forgot how much physical activity outside of sports used to be in my life. I am really looking forward to getting back into that habit.

As Monday approaches I really find myself more and more optimistic. My friends joke that I have a generally pessimistic attitude towards everything, but that is veiled by my actual optimism and enjoyment of life. Pessimism is a device in which to exploit the comedy of life as I see it. I think about my life in September and I can honestly say that I am thrilled. I'll be in a house surrounded by friends, working a job that I can potentially make into a career, paying off my debts, back in physical shape and my wonderful girlfriend will be home. The only downer that I can see in there is that she is starting med school so that could put a strain on our relationship, which has been tested as of late.

This blog does not exist for me to rant about my relationship. Those privy to such gossip do not need to read it on here. After a long 3 weeks of doing nothing, feeling sorry for myself at points and heavy drinking, I think I have successfully pulled my own head out of my ass and come to the realization that I am idiot for thinking that in the first place. Plus, I finally have a stream of new music on my ipod now that I have my computer back. That means plenty of new hip/hop, girltalk, and anything else I feel like kicking it to, so hah! Off to the gym to go get extreme, happy Sunday ya'll!